Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Little things

I'm really close to 4 months now. I'm 98% sure that I will not be drinking on our vacation this month (we'll bring a friend so that my boyfriend can have someone to keep him company over free drinks and I can just be my boring "read a book, bed at 9" self). I'm more fit than I've been in years. My mood at work is nothing short of lunacy - I smile at people! I tell jokes! I am charming and lovely! I shave!

I can do this, I'm pretty sure,...unless I forget and screw up. Rugby season (I play rugby) will be tough, because there are very, very, very few things as nice as a cold, cold beer after a long, rough game. I dunno if club soda will cut it, but I guess it will have to. Fuck. I hadn't expected to think about that today...oh well.

Anyway, the point today is that for the most part I've managed to set up a pretty solid routine: I get up really early (like 4am early), eat breakfast, shower and shave, go to the gym, then work, then home. I'll do the dishes or some other household chore, make supper, say hi to the loved one if he's home from work, and then bed around 8 or 9. Repeat. So long as I stick to this, there isn't really temptation.

But the yesterday I had to go out of my way to pcik up some groceries, which took me past one of my usual liquor stores and boy oh boy did I feel a pang of longing...just go in, pick up a 6-pack or a pint of vodka. Because it's been so long since my last drink, I could probably get toasted off of just that...just one night, maybe to remind myself of what I'm giving up....

It was over as soon as the store was out of sight, but it was a little unnerving how deep that pang was. I guess I'll take it as a reminder that I need to remain vigilant. Scratch that 98%...I need to be 100% sure that I am not drinking anymore. There is too much at stake.

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