Tomorrow is my 1 year anniversary of my last drink. Tonight I don't have anything inspirational to say. In fact, I just went for a walk just to get out of the apartment because I'm feeling....I don't know, hollow? Kind of?
On my walk, I passed by the wine store. It's doors were open and a couple of people were laughing together as they left. Inside, it was bright and inviting. I passed by the millions of bars in my neighbourhood, filled with people enjoying one of the last days on the patio before winter strikes, clinking glasses and catching up with friends. I went to the grocery store, where the new liquor store happens to be, one of the few that I've actually been in since I decided to be a sober person full-time.
At the grocery store, I bought some turkey burgers and, because I have this sad, hollow kind of feeling, two bottles of flavoured sparkling water. I think that sparkling water companies should market to us sober people. I think sparkling water just might have saved some lives...or at least livers.
Tonight I will drink of the pomegranate sparkling water, and tomorrow, the day I've chosen as my true anniversary (I'm celebrating my "last drink" instead of my "first full day sober"), I'll have the Italian Lemonade, and this will be fine.
So, I'm sad for a few reasons, but I'm still going to raise a glass to me. Because my being sober is nothing to be sad about. I've done a year, and I hope to do many, many more years, and I hope this one was the hardest.
Tomorrow I'll write a real post, instead of this place-holder. But if you're reading this, and you have a glass of sparkling water nearby, feel free to raise your glass with mine, in recognition of this lonely, strange, and brave journey we're on.
Cheers and congratulations!!
ReplyDeleteSo glad you posted and shared your feelings. One year is such an accomplishment. You are right, "being sober is nothing to be sad about" but that doesn't mean that it always feels good or makes us happy. But as we move through the different feelings and emotions, the good and the hard, we grow and we learn more about who we are. We become stronger.
You are an inspiration to those of us just starting this journey. I truly hope you feel better today.
I remember feeling kind of sad or hollow or something I couldn't quite place the week leading up to my one year mark. Then it lifted and I felt good, so maybe the significance just took awhile to process. But it's an odd sort of anniversary to celebrate anyway, at least it felt that way to me. Bittersweet somehow. Congratulations, Marc. I've really enjoyed following your blog and reading about your milestones and how you've handled various challenges with a tremendous amount of insight and honesty. I hope you enjoy your italian lemonade (think I've had this before - love sparkling water and flavored seltzer waters too) tonight and reflect on how far you've come.
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