Friday, September 21, 2012

Clear sailing

I'm going to try to be brief today, mostly because I don't have much to complain about, but I do have an observation.

The hardest parts of sobriety are when the problems just keep piling on and there's no end in sight. Even if I know intellectually that the hard times are temporary, even if I know the exact date when I won't have to worry about the problems, it can still seem like my problems will last forever. Every step I have to take feels like slogging through knee-deep mud.

The best parts of sobriety, though, are the moments like right now, when the problems get resolved and I'm sober enough to enjoy them. I found out today that my student loan has been approved and so I should be all set to start school in January. This was THE biggest worry for me since I made the decision to go back in June, so right now having it resolved is....really, really nice.

It's nice because I succeeded, but it's even more nice because I know that I weathered a fair amount of stress without having a drink. When I told myself, during those dark moments, that nothing lasts forever, I was telling myself the truth. I can use this to reinforce myself against doubts the next time I'm in a tough place.

If something like this had happened a year ago, tonight would involve me going out and getting drunk. Strangely, I don't want to do that at all. It's more than enough to enjoy this relief and satisfaction with my faculties intact. The next few days (before I have to buckle down and study for an intro psych exam for a course I took over the last couple of months) I can really relax and focus on other things.

At any rate (I hope I'm not jinxing myself here), I have 2 weeks to go until my first year anniversary sober, and I'm pretty sure it's gonna be smooth sailing until then.


  1. spectacular news :) money from the government to go to school can only be a good thing! waiting to hear how your sober-versary goes ... hope you'll be having cake!

  2. Everytime you post, I'm always "yes, yes. This." Today I've had a real proper Monday and sobriety has given me that still curious ability to detach from stressful moments, knowing full well they'll pass, while still bearing the full brunt of pain. I guess this is life. The ups and downs don't get blurred together from drink.

    It does feel really good coming through a rough spot. When that happens, I naively think maybe it won't happen again, at least not for awhile or as painfully. I'm starting to accept the ups and downs are okay for now. I believe they will get easier to handle over time.

    I love reading your posts and seeing the parallels to my own experience. Congrats on getting the student loan and one (big) step closer to your goal.