So, I mentioned in my last post that I was struggling with anxiety, and well I am still struggling with anxiety. I'm currently on sick leave from work (my new job!! Ugh) at least until Monday.
I've got a prescription that I have to go out and fill, and each night I tell myself "tomorrow you will leave the house and fill that prescription and do lots of constructive things," and each morning I wake up and don't leave the house.
I am still not drinking, though, even though there are two giant mostly-full bottles of vodka in the freezer from a camping trip me and the boyfriend took a few days ago. I may have to convince him to trade that bottle with one of his friends, because he's not a drinker and that bottle could seriously be there forever. Like, years.
I'm not seriously tempted, except sometimes I almost kind of am. It's like you know that demonstration to show how gravity works, where you hold a sheet flat and put a bowling ball in the middle? And sometimes the teacher (or whatever) would then roll a smaller ball along the sheet and you'd see how the ball's path curved to accomodate the bowling ball? If the ball was rolled hard, it would just curve a little and then keep on going. If the ball was thrown to soft it would curve right into the bbowling ball and stick there, and if you got the force just right (and if friction didn't exist) you'd get that little ball into an orbit around the bowling ball, forever.
Well, I feel a little bit like that little ball, and the vodka in the freezer is the bowling ball, and I can feel it tug on my trajectory, and I just sort of hope that I've got enough momentum that I'll just breeze on past with just a slight tug....but you never really know, right? There could be a day where maybe I've got just a little less momentum to get me through and then.....
Anyway, that's where things are at.
But tomorrow I am going to leave the house and fill that prescription and do lots of constructive things.
Hang in there bud, you can get through this tough time. What else can you do to make yourself feel better? Walking in the outdoors (like, real nature?), cooking? bubble baths? these are the things that make me feel better usually. Sending love xxx
ReplyDeleteHey, anxiety is total bitch to deal with. Can someone else get the prescription for you...like the boyfriend maybe? And can he take the bottle of vodka with him and throw it in a lake ;) Having it in the house is a real tough one, and it sounds like you're struggling enough as is. I hope you feel better soon and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
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