I've been feeling pretty down lately. I left my job without a backup plan other than some savings that will see me through for another month, maybe two, and now instead of being snapped up right away because of my marketable skills, I'm getting a lot of "no"s and "sorry"s and it turns out that my skills aren't as marketable as I'd hoped. It's hard to hear rejection so many times, and it's bringing up a lot of fears and insecurities about myself, about my past, who I am as a person.
In short, it makes me feel like I was stupid to dream big and to believe that I deserved to be treated better at my workplace.
But I've been reading some of these blogs about our struggles with alcoholism and maybe other addictions, and knowing that I share something in common with people who have been through so much, and are fighting for something so special as sobriety, as (for now, anyway) reminded me of how far I've come in so short a time.
For those of us who are doing our best, living on the edge between being "mostly normal" and drowning in drink, we climb mountains every day. We are superheroes. We are doing something that is very, very difficult, and every single day we spend sober, we are showing that we are that much stronger than we thought.
I can't put "almost 7 months sober" on my resume, but I know that my sobriety is a testament to my strength and determination, to my willingness to take care of myself and the people I love, and to be the best version of myself I can be. Alcoholism sucks, but being able to fight it is pretty awesome.